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The Start of AIDS
Posted in Politics, Video Clips on 20 Nov 2006 by DR Add a Comment (0)
Dave Chappelle explains the problems with the standard belief that the AIDS virus originated from people fucking monkeys.




Gay-err Blind Mountain Climber
Posted in Funny News, Video Clips on 19 Nov 2006 by DR Add a Comment (0)
I'm not sure how these news people keep straight faces when they make career-ending mistakes.




Naked Man Orders Coffee While Pleasuring Self
Posted in Funny News on 27 Oct 2005 by DR Add a Comment (0)
Allenville, Mi. - A man who drove up to a Starbucks drive-thru while stark naked and masturbating has pleaded guilty to committing an indecent act, saying "fantasy" got the best of him.

A female employee at the coffee shop took an order for a large coffee just past midnight on Oct. 3, prosecutor William Hergeson told court Tuesday.

When the car pulled up to the window, the employee noticed a man alone in the vehicle, completely nude and masturbating, Hergeson said.
The man handed money to the employee with his unoccupied left hand, court heard.

The employee wrote down the car's licence plate number and called police.

When the 38-year-old Allenville man met with police after the incident, he admitted to doing "a bad thing" and suggested he did it "for the thrill," court heard.

Joseph Priddle will be sentenced Dec. 6.


Dave Attell Joins Terrorist Organization, Becomes Warlord
Posted in Politics on 29 Jul 2005 by DR Add a Comment (0)
Russia says it is outraged by an interview with Chechen rebel leader Shamil Basayev broadcast on America's ABC television network.

The Russian foreign ministry summoned a senior US diplomat in Moscow to express its "strong indignation" over the show.

In the interview, the warlord, who had claimed the 2004 raid on a school in Beslan, admitted he was a terrorist but said the Russians were terrorists too.
Russia's most wanted man also warned of further Beslan-type attacks.

More than 320 people - around half of them children - were killed in the attack at the school in September.

Russia is offering $10m (£6m) for the capture of the warlord, who it also accuses of several other major attacks. -BBC

Ok... wtf? Does this guy resemble anyone to you? Anyone at all? Perhaps a drunken man who wanders an ever shrinking crop of new cities each week on Comedy Central? If you aren't partially retarded, you'd know this guy looks exactly like Dave Attell. Just to make sure you know, I've included a picture with a witty caption written on it titled "Dave Who?", signifying that their faces bear similarities.

So now you know- Dave Attell is responsable for the deaths of 300 school children. Is it really that unlikely that Attell and Shamil Bazayev are the same person?

1. Dave Attell has a twin brother who hates shaving.
2. Ummm....thats all I got.

So what is the big deal anyway? He is fighting for what he believes is right, and those school children... they weren't really full people yet anyway right? right?


"I'm High All The Time"
Posted in Sports on 27 Jul 2005 by DR Add a Comment (0)
Ricky Williams is back in the NFL, appearing at the Miami Dolphins training camp yesterday. This is simply a great story in the world of sports, by the end of fall in 2003, Ricky Williams was without question the best running back in the league. That being the first year of his multimillion dollar contract, Williams helped himself to 8 million dollars. At that time Williams did what any american would do if they got 8 million dollars- get high, go to disney land, get high, go to White Castle, get high, and then sit on the couch for 5 months and retire. His plan was working perfectly until the Dolphins sued Williams for the contract and won. "Fuck my ass," Williams alledgedly said when he heard the news.

Now Williams goes to practice each day hating every minute of it. The fans know he doesn't want to be there, the managment knows, and all of his teammates know. What kind of owner would sue to make him come back? One from Florida. Enough Said.



Man Has Sex With Guide Dog... uuhh.
Posted in Funny News on 20 Jul 2005 by DR Add a Comment (0)
Local prosecutors are apparently in a bind: How do they charge a blind Tallahassee man who has been accused of having sex with his guide dog?

Florida, like many other states, has no bestiality statute - that is, a law specifically prohibiting sexual contact between humans and animals.

So Alan Yoder, 29, originally was charged with felony animal cruelty, but court records show that charge was dropped last Friday and replaced with a misdemeanor - disorderly conduct.

Yoder now is charged with a "breach of the peace, by engaging in sexual activity with a guide dog," according to a court document.
One of two prosecutors on the case, Assistant State Attorney Owen McCaul, did not return a call Thursday. The other, Assistant State Attorney Stephanie Usina, said she could not answer specific questions, including explaining why the charge was lowered to a misdemeanor.

Yoder, reached by telephone Thursday, declined to be interviewed. James D. Varnado, his attorney, said he has filed a not-guilty plea on his client's behalf but declined to discuss details of the case.

"However lurid the allegations may be, we should resist a rush to judgment," he said.

Here's what happened, according to Tallahassee police reports:

Yoder, who lives in a local apartment complex, last month asked a female acquaintance to join him in a sex act with the dog, a male yellow Labrador named "Lucky."

She demurred, but later told a friend about it. That person called a social worker, who called police.

Investigators spoke to Yoder on June 16, who admitted performing certain sex acts with the dog, even going into detail with them, but denied doing others. He was arrested and booked June 22, charged with animal cruelty.

An animal-control officer took the dog to Dr. Sondra Brown, a veterinarian at Northwood Animal Hospital, who could not determine whether the dog had been sexually abused.

Warren Goodwin, who recently retired after 30 years as an assistant prosecutor, said he could not recall a similar case in Leon County.

Annemarie Lucas, a New York-based special investigator for the American Society for the Prevention of Cruelty to Animals, said sexual contact with animals "probably happens more than it's actually reported."

Bestiality - illegal in New York state - is "just not a natural thing," she said. "Animals can't consent ... They're probably fearful and in physical pain. It's like any kind of abuse.

"It's a cowardly act," added Lucas, who also appears on "Animal Precinct," a program on the Animal Planet cable-television network. "It's a domination thing, something an animal would never instigate."

Stephanie Shain, spokeswoman for the Humane Society of the United States, said her organization takes a similar position.

"It's doing something to an animal that they have an inability to stop," Shain said.

Last year, an Ocala man pleaded no contest to felony animal cruelty after being charged with having sex with his then-fiancee's female Rottweiler, according to the Pet-Abuse.com Web site.

A judge withheld adjudication and ordered five years of probation and a psychological evaluation. He also prohibited the 27-year-old man from "owning pets of any kind while on probation and from having unsupervised contact with other people's pets," the site said.by James Rosica


Harry Potter Secrets Revealed
Posted in Entertainment on 19 Jul 2005 by DR Add a Comment (0)
Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince was released at 12:01 AM saturday night to millions of waiting fans. The book sold an astonishing 6.9 million copies in the first 24 hours alone. It was around that time that each buyer realized that they would have to waste 23 hours of their life reading the colossal book. Chum Bucket News has introduced a solution to this problem, and it is called reading the next paragraph. Oh- and um, spoilers.

First of all, what is the Half Blood Prince? That is basically a prince that is of both muggle and wizard decent. Also, the prince is supposed to help Harry on his quest to defeat Voldemort. Harry discovers that the previous owner of his potions book was indeed the half blood prince. The book was covered in notes that improved on all the potions and spells in the book. After Harry tries one of these spells on Professor Snape, we see that it is in fact Snape that was/is the half blood prince.
At the beginning of the book, Snape promises Draco Malfoy's mother that he will protect Draco from any dangers he may face. He also promises her that he will finish any task Draco cannot complete. After Draco fails to kill Dumbledore, Snape follows through and offs the Headmaster. Why he would do this when he can no longer be loyal to the Deatheaters or Voldemort (because he is a mudblood "mixture of muggle and wizard" and Voldemort or the "dark side" wants to remove these mudbloods from the world much like hitler did), is to be revealed in book 7. Yeah, and I just saved you 23 hours. That's like a day almost.


Man Should Have Taken Physics
Posted in Funny News on 17 Jul 2005 by DR Add a Comment (0)
All Reggie Barnnett wanted to do was cut down a tree behind his girlfriend's house. It was the kind of good deed that might be expected of the 47-year-old associate pastor at Hines Memorial Church, who also helped out with the church's youth group. Instead, the uncooperative tree crushed him and started a fire that burned him beyond recognition.

Reggie had borrowed his father's pickup truck, apparently in the belief that he could
yank out the bottom of the tree, which would then fall away from the truck. He tied the truck to the tree and floored the accelerator. The tree toppled onto the truck, crushing the cab and trapping Reggie. The still-running engine eventually overheated, starting a grass fire. The flames ignited the truck's gas tank, turning the truck into a fireball. Police said Reggie was probably dead before the truck caught fire.


Retard Shoots Self
Posted in Funny News on 09 Jun 2005 by DR Add a Comment (0)
PORT WENTWORTH, Ga. (AP) - A snake in the grass is to blame for a teenager shooting himself in the leg, police said. A 16-year-old boy was mowing his lawn Tuesday when he saw a snake slithering toward his dogs, which were chained in the front yard, police said.

Worried about the canines, the boy ran inside and grabbed a .22-caliber pistol,
said Port Wentworth police Sgt. Loren Scholes.

The boy came back outside and when he saw the snake at his feet, he hastily aimed and fired. The bullet entered his right calf and exited near his heel, Scholes said.

The boy was taken to an area hospital. Police said the wound was not life-threatening.

Scholes said he did not know what kind of snake it was, but "from what he described, it sounded as big as a freight train." The sergeant added that the reptile apparently escaped unscathed.


Snow Cock
Posted in Crazy Images on 01 Jun 2005 by DR Add a Comment (0)







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